September 10, 2023

23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time (A)

The Lord’s ‘Resentment Reduction Plan’

Msgr. Thomas Gervasio

Who has not been hurt or wronged by the actions or words of another? Who has not been distressed by circumstances that make us angry. Who has not been troubled by issues that need to be resolved with another? We all have. But how we deal with that hurt, that anger, that sin, is the subject of today’s Gospel. It is Our Lord’s lesson on fraternal correction.

Fraternal correction is the Christian understanding and approach of what it means to help each other grow in holiness. That is not what first motivates us to resolve a problem with someone who has hurt us. Our first inclination is to see that the person is punished or suffers for what they have done. Fraternal correction is not a path to vengeance or revenge. It is, rather, an approach motivated by love for my brother or sister. St. Paul speaks clearly to this in today’s epistle. It is motivated by the desire to help another grow in holiness. We should want to resolve issues rather than carry a great bag of resentments around with us. Some of us are experts at this—carrying resentments for a long time, even so long that they cannot recall the reason for the resentment. Some time ago, I came across a cartoon of a man lying on the couch of a counselor’s office. He says to the counselor who is seated at his side: “I am trying to develop an attitude of gratitude, but the most I can muster is a sentiment of resentment. The great theologian, Ann Landers said that “resentment does not change the heart of others.

But the prospect of correcting someone, setting things right, is daunting, even scary. If we just confront someone and say, “Now look, you are wrong and I am going to set you straight” (we often think that is a positive, strong, and straightforward approach), be assured that such an approach will fail!

Fraternal correction requires prudence, refinement, and tact. St. Jose Maria Escriva said that “correction should never be wounding, never a negative slap in our neighbor’s face.” Our Lord himself guides us by providing a “three-step plan.”

The first step is a private, one on one encounter—between you and him alone,” says Jesus. However, the approach many take is to talk, complain, and gossip to everyone about how a person has wronged or hurt us, except the person concerned. However, with the right word offered in the right way, at the right time, the issue may be resolved.

But this initial step may not meet with success if both parties do not have the humility to listen to one another. If it fails, Our Lord moves us to Step Two which entails bringing in another person (If you can convince another to become involved!). This does not mean bringing our grievances to others by placing them on social media and then taking in all the comments that are posted. Our Lord would have us go to a person who is known and respected by both parties—an approach that is akin to what is often called an “intervention.” At times, this person serves as an objective mediator.

Still, Our Lord, aware of the weakness of human nature, says that if this too comes to naught, we should treat our neighbor as a Gentile or tax collector. Some would read this as license to write off, ostracize, or abandon the person. Yet Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors with compassion and mercy. Step Three is about stepping back but always leaving the door open, never giving up.

The approach is not, “I’ve gone as far as I can go, he can crawl back to me when he is ready.” The approach is not to avoid, not to walk out of the room when that person enters. The Lord would have us keep that door open, very much like the father in Our Lord’s parable of the prodigal son.

The Gospel passage ends with our Lord directing us to prayer. (And don’t we need prayer when we are dealing with anger, hurt, resentments and fraternal correction!) Perhaps we are carrying a bag full of resentments for someone. Let us offer this pain, this burden to the Lord. Let us unite it to the sacrifice of the Mass. Let us ask the Lord to give us the courage and strength to practice fraternal correction. Motivated by love, we can together grow in holiness.