Jane was married to a man she truly loved for thirty years. They had four terrific children and seemed to be living the “American dream.” But sadly, the dream slowly became a nightmare. Her husband grew apart from her and began another relationship. Jane slipped into depression. Her husband divorced her and never looked back. A sad story but surely not unique. There are millions of Janes or Josephs who begin their marriages with great expectations only to have their hopes dashed.
Today Our Lord clearly affirms, in no uncertain terms, the indissolubility of marriage: “What God has joined together, no human being must separate.” As a consequence the Catechism calls divorce “immoral” and “disordered.” When Jane, a catechist, read this, her pain deepened. She wondered, “Does the Church care about me? Am I really immoral and disordered?” Distressed, she had closed the catechism. She needed to read further. Divorced persons are not disordered or immoral but divorce as an institution is because of the pain and harm it brings to the home and because it is not what God intends for society.
The Church has a great challenge—to be both faithful to the Lord’s teaching and minister to those who experience the pain of divorce. It is a challenge that has four tasks.
The first is to provide special care to the divorced and separated. They should know that they are part of the Church even though they might feel otherwise.
If they do not remarry, they can and should receive the Eucharist. The Catechism teaches that divorce is often the last resort and the only way of ensuring certain rights and that in such cases, it would not constitute a moral offense. The Church also recognizes that in divorce there are “innocent victims and those unjustly abandoned.” We must accompany with love those who have travelled this painful path.
The second task is ministry to the divorced and remarried. They too, have a place in the Church. Our parish is always ready to assist them so that their marriages might be “regularized” or “blessed” in the Church. Call us…it is not a long or complicated process. This opens the door to the sacraments and to the ability to be sponsors at baptism and confirmation.
The third task is to prepare engaged couples well for marriage. If we proclaim the Lord’s teaching that marriage is indissoluble, we need to focus much less on the wedding details of a day and much more on marriage skills for a lifetime. This is why we insist on an ample time for preparation. It is a helping policy not a hindering one. We also have to do a better job within our families and parishes to point couples to the treasure of a sacramental, grace-filled marriage, so they might turn to the Lord’s sanctuary before a venue at the beach or garden.
The fourth task is to encourage and support couples already married. We have a marriage ministry team working on this. Keep your eye on our bulletin.
Marriage is a great and glorious vocation. It’s easy to see its burdens but let’s not fail to see its beauty and blessings. Let’s not fail to pray for all those who are married and those preparing for marriage. Today, this parish priest admiringly “tips his hat” to couples who live this vocation every day. My vocation is the priesthood, to be sure—which my mother reaffirmed when she said, “You spared some good woman by becoming a priest.”
