Not Just a Woman's Issue

Abortion and the Family

For most women, an unexpected wave of emotions follows an abortion. What seemed to be a practical choice in response to an unplanned pregnancy can result in overwhelming shame, guilt, anger, and bodily injury. Studies have found that women who ended their first pregnancy by abortion are five times more likely to report substance abuse than women who carried to term. The suicide rate after an abortion is three times the general suicide rate and six times that associated with birth (Focus on the Family).
 
The aftermath of abortion, however, goes far beyond its effect on the baby and mother.  Studies show that abortion leaves families heartbroken. Fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings feel the impact (RTL.org).
 
Parents may notice a change in their daughter’s personality.  This is particularly true when the child returns home after an undisclosed abortion (Ramah’s Voice:  Abortion Recovery Blog). When the truth becomes apparent, parents can experience prolonged and unimaginable grief at the preventable loss of their grandchild and wonder if they could have intervened and saved the child from an abortion (Changed:  Making Sense of Your Own or a Loved One’s Abortion Experience).       
 
Siblings too experience the pain of abortion. Although not knowing the aborted brother or sister, a sibling may feel a family member is missing. Many times the parent is unaware that her other children know and are reluctant to inquire or question their mother. (Ramah’s Voice:  Abortion Recovery Blog).  We might expect questions to include: “Am I the oldest? Would this have been my name? Would I have even been born, if the other had survived? Why am I alive and my brother or sister is not?” These unresolved questions attract many complex emotions, fears, and loneliness. 
 
As the list of abortion victims grows, recent legislation in New York, with similar proposals in Virginia and Vermont, have drastically expanded access to late-term abortion further denying fundamental human rights to the unborn with expected devastating family consequences.  Let your voices be heard!

The Impact of Abortion on Men

The effects of abortion on men have not been studied as much in part due to the lack of male legal authority in the decision to terminate a pregnancy. In the United States, the father may not prevent or be notified of the mother’s intent to abort their child, even if the mother is his wife. The inability for a man to comprehend this lack of fatherhood, and the natural desire to protect his child can create profound feelings of helplessness, anger, and emasculation.  

In the case of an unwanted pregnancy, the father’s initial desire to offer support to his partner in the decision to abort most often involves repression of his true feelings in favor of maintaining strength and stability within an intimidating situation. Such suppressed emotions give rise to “prolonged and unresolved grief in 58% of men who did not discuss their feelings with anyone” according to the Dutch researcher, M. Van Mourik, MD, Ph.D. The inability to grieve and experience loss are usually physically and emotionally consuming. In  Fatherhood Lost, Warren L. Williams claims a man may experience serious emotional and behavioral trauma in response to post-abortion guilt, sadness, and anxiety.

Drs. Catherine Coyle and Vincent Rue, in the  Journal of Pastoral Counseling, presented additional hardships that include relationship stress, distrust in women, sexual dysfunction, loss of intimacy, and homosexual involvement. The researchers further noted frequent clinical and self-destructive behavior including depression, addiction, and even suicide. In some studies, male grief has even surpassed that of the female.The profound loss experienced by these fathers indicates that abortion is not just a “woman’s issue.”

Reclaiming & Restoring Family Culture

Doing research in high school, Cristina Barba discovered that 87% of abortions were performed on unmarried women. “We don’t have an abortion issue as much as a sex issue. If people were living according to the Church’s teachings on sexuality, we wouldn’t be dealing with abortion.” In various ways, she has devoted her life to educating others about these teachings.

Then, in 2014, she and 30 friends formed The Culture Project. Based in Philadelphia, it has hubs in L.A. and Toledo, with a travel team based in San Francisco. The Culture Project invites recent college grads to live one year in community and minister to youth via talks on human sexuality, life and love.

Barba strongly advocates that every family have meals together; share life together. Each family should be one “that loves one another, that forgives each other because we’re going to screw up. Love your kids fiercely and share your faith.”

Gretchen R. Crowe, “One Group’s Mission”
Our Sunday Visitor, 1/21/18