God Cares. Sometimes our feelings about God become involved in the process of grieving. We can blame Him for what has happened or wonder why he didn't stop it. We may have come to believe that God punishes us for doing wrong. We may think someone else besides our loved one would be more deserving of death. Those who call and come to the funeral home may say things that confuse and anger us: that the death is God's will, that it is a blessing, that God needed a good person in heaven.
Many of us have come to deeper faith through our loss. We have come to believe that God is at least as upset about our loss as we are. After all, He lost His only Son. After all, Jesus stood and wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. Even Jesus was not spared death.
If we can make it to the point where we don't blame God for what has happened, we can begin receiving the real help he wishes to give us. We can see Him in family and friends to maintain contact and offer to help. We can receive his strength, understanding and consolation when we see Him in those who listen to how we feel. We can experience the joy of Jesus promise of forgiveness and eternal life, even in the times when we struggle the most. We can come to see that God has not abandoned us at all, but that he carries us through the most difficult times.
It's confusing. The grief stages come and go. Just as we feel we are finished with one, it comes back again. Other people, situations, holidays, news stories, etc. continue to remind us of the person we have lost. We need to remember that what we are feeling is normal. That is crucially important when we experience depression.
Many Churches, hospitals, etc. sponsor Grief Support Groups. They can be invaluable sources of strength and help.
Others have been through what we face. They help us until we can help still others. It's difficult, too, especially if we are a helper ourselves. Sometimes it is good to ask ourselves the question, "What would all the helpers do if nobody accepted help?" The road is a much easier one when we allow others to walk it with us. Why not let us add your name to our prayer list. Know that you are in our prayers. May God bless you and keep you safe!
When Bad things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner. Written by a rabbi, it has helped many people deal with the death of someone close. It is in most libraries and available in paperback at any book store.
Good Grief by Granger E. Westberg is a synopsis of the grief process.
Motherless Daughters, by Hope Edelman. One reviewer says:
"That book had such an immense impact on me, it surpasses words. As I read that book, I felt as though I was among friends. The author herself says that she searched long and hard to find a book to help her deal with her loss, and when she found so little out there for women who have lost their mothers (mostly at a young age but this book is for any woman who has lost her mother) she went out and wrote her own. That book was a great help in allowing me to access so many different feelings and deal with them, and even more important, I no longer felt so alone as I read words from women interviewed for the book where they were actually saying the very things I'd been saying. I felt so understood."
The material on this page are presented complements of St. Bronislava parish, Plover, Wisconsin, and Father Pat's Place.