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A GUIDE THROUGH MARRIAGE PREPARATION
Congratulations on your engagement! The Parish of Our Lady of Sorrows-Saint Anthony rejoices and prays with you as you prepare for marriage. The parish clergy and staff hope that your engagement will be a time of deeper prayer and mutual dialog on the issues that will help you respond with faith and maturity to this great vocation.
The following guidelines have been prepared to assist you through this important time of preparation. Do not hesitate to contact the parish office if you have any questions or concerns about this process. We will do all we possibly can to make your wedding a sacred and joyful celebration.
Catholic Parishes are required to follow the Common Policy for Marriage Preparation established by the Bishops of New Jersey. This involves a commitment of time for pastoral and shared preparation sessions that are designed to establish your freedom to marry and to provide those tools to facilitate your deeper reflection and discussion of important aspects of Christian marriage.
Pastoral Sessions are comprised of the initial contact made to schedule the wedding, a number of meetings with priest or deacon at the parish office, and the wedding rehearsal.
Shared preparation sessions are meetings with a community based team of married couples and clergy sharing their lived experience of marriage and ministering to married couples.
Step 1: Explaining the Process
Visit:
http://www.dioceseoftrenton.org/gettingmarried Step 2: Discuss Shared Preparation Programs Visit: http://www.dioceseoftrenton.org/precana
Step 3: Discuss Documents Needed Visit: http://www.dioceseoftrenton.org/gettingmarried
Step 4: Determine Canonical Freedom to Marry
You
will meet with the Director of Pastoral Outreach who will conduct an
initial pre-nuptial interview. This is an important step to confirm
your freedom to marry in the Church, or discover any special
circumstances that may need to be dealt with before you may set your
wedding date. In the event that special circumstances exist, you may need to complete additional forms and resolve those circumstances before your wedding. Your priest, deacon or pastoral minister will guide you through the forms and steps.
Step 5: Scheduling the Wedding Your date and time is confirmed after your freedom to marry in the Catholic Church is established in step 4 (above).
Parish calendar permitting, parishioners may choose to schedule a wedding at either Our Lady of Sorrows Church or Saint Anthony Church. These are arranged at the parish office and may be celebrated on Friday evening, Saturday morning or early afternoon.
Step 6: Choosing the Rite In consultation with the pastoral assistant, priest or deacon, please determine whether the wedding will be celebrated within a Nuptial Mass or Nuptial Ceremony. Since non Catholics may not receive the Holy Eucharist, it is strongly recommend that a Nuptial Ceremony be chosen when either the bride or groom is not Catholic or when a large percentage of guests are not Catholic.
Step 7: Choosing the Celebrant/Presider In most cases, a parish priest will prepare those couples requesting a Nuptial Mass. A deacon will prepare those couples requesting a Nuptial Ceremony. Priests and/or deacons who are relatives or friends of the couple are most welcome to witness and participate at parish weddings. Visiting priests or deacons intending to witness the marriage must contact the parish office to make arrangements.
When one of the parties is not Catholic, his or minister is welcome to participate in the ceremony. This is arranged through the parish office.
Step 8: Complete & Review FOCCUS Visit: www.foccusinc.com FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study) is a self diagnostic instrument designed to help couples learn more about themselves and their relationship. It is not a “pass or fail” kind of test; nor is it meant as a predictor of success or failure in marriage. It is a tool, based on data from successful marriages, which helps couples examine potential issues before marriage. The priest, deacon, or pastoral minister preparing you will discuss the results with you.
Step 9: Schedule Additional Meetings Meetings required in Stage III of the preparation process should be scheduled. Your priest, deacon or pastoral minister may also recommend further meetings for catechesis, and they should also be scheduled at this time.
Step 1: Attend a Shared Preparation Program
Couples are to attend one of programs offered by the Diocese of Trenton. Your priest, deacon or pastoral minister may recommend one to you. Dates and program descriptions are found in the Family Life Directory available at the parish office. Early registration is strongly recommended.
You may also click the link above to see the programs, their availability, and, in some cases, to register online.
Step 1: Meeting(s) with Preparer After your attendance at the Shared Preparation session, you should meet with your priest, deacon or pastoral minister as scheduled at the end of Stage I (above). Remember to bring the certificate of attendance from the Shared Preparation session and give it to your preparer for placement in your nuptial file.
These meetings should include discussion of your experience of the Shared Preparation session, any further catechetical issues raised by your preparer, and any concerns you or your preparer may have.
At these meetings, you should also complete parts II and III of the “Prenuptial Investigation for Catholic Churches in the State of New Jersey” form.
Step 2: Planning the Wedding Liturgy Once all the requirements are met, you should then meet with your preparer to go over the details of your wedding liturgy.
A wedding is a celebration of the whole Church, a sacred encounter with the Lord, a time of prayer for all who participate. All the aspects of your wedding celebration should reflect this reality and point the assembly to the Presence of God. It is a time to offer praise to God for His many graces and blessings. It is a way for those gathered to thank the Lord for you and to implore His blessings on your married life. The priests, deacons and pastoral assistant are prepared to assist you in the careful planning of your wedding liturgy. Please keep the following details in mind:
A. Preparation Resource The various options for the Sacred Liturgy are provided in a book available at the parish office: “Together for Life.” (Jos. Champlin: Notre Dame IN: Ave Maria Press)
B. Worship Aides (Mass or Ceremony Programs) These are provided to the congregation by the couple and are optional. Please submit a draft to the priest or deacon before they are printed to ensure accuracy of terminology and format. A draft is available at the parish office.
C. Music Music is an important element of the wedding liturgy. It allows the community to more fully participate in the wedding. Selections should be made from that treasury of sacred music that will draw people to deeper prayer and union with God. Please contact the Parish Office of Music Ministry at least six months prior to the wedding to make arrangements for the musicians and cantors. Please be aware that all music is to be sacred in nature—that is say, not popular or secular music. The director will be pleased to assist you in making selections. Payment of all music fees are arranged with the director of music ministry.
D. The Choice of Liturgical Participants Please give careful consideration to the choice of readers, gift bearers, and members of your bridal party. They should be prepared and comfortable with their role. A reader, for example, should be one who is already a lector in their own parish or at least comfortable with public speaking. Gift bearers should be significant persons in your lives. The witnesses (maid/matron of honor and best man) and members of the bridal party need not be Catholic. However, if the best man and maid of honor are Catholic and married, they should be in a marriage recognized by the Church.
Keeping the bridal party to a reasonable number helps considerably
in a smooth and meaningful ceremony. A child chosen to be flower
girl or ring bearer should be of a sufficient age to function in
these roles. The parish will assign altar servers for your wedding. Relatives or friends are welcome to take this role. Please advise the priest or deacon in advance.
E. Decorum for Church Please give particular attention to attire that is appropriate for church. Some gowns are surely inappropriate and if so designed, a jacket or wrap (that can be removed at a later time) is to be used in church. This helps maintain the modesty required in a church. It also helps to make a distinction between a sacred place and the more secular climate of a reception.
F. Decoration of the Church Flowers and other decorations should be in keeping with the liturgical season. If the church is decorated for a particular season, e.g. Lent, Easter, Christmas, that décor will remain. Flowers are obtained at the florist of your choice but please keep in mind the following parameters:
Flowers are provided by the couple. Two arrangements for the sanctuary are recommended. Flowers for the images of Our Lady and St. Joseph are optional. We prefer that flowers remain in church for the weekend as part of your offering to the Lord. Flowers used during Advent and Lent however should be taken.
Other décor at both churches Pew bows are optional. Please do not use tape or tacks in affixing them to the pews.
The following are not to be used: Interior: Palm trees, shrubbery, candelabras, flower petals in aisle. The aisle runner is also prohibited by the parish insurance policy. Exterior: Bird seed, rice, confetti, flower petals are forbidden. Balloons are unacceptable for environmental reasons. Bubbles and bells are an acceptable alternative!
G. The Lighting of the Unity Candle This is not an official part of the Church’s Rite of Marriage and thus will not be included in the liturgy. We recommend that it be included as part of the blessing of the reception. The office can provide a text of this blessing.
H. Photography and Videography You are welcome to have your wedding recorded. Please advise the persons concerned to come to church early enough to set up all that is needed.
They are to consult with the priest or deacon regarding the decorum required during the church’s liturgy. Since photography is permitted during the liturgy, it will be limited after the ceremony. The schedule may permit a few minutes for photographs in church after the liturgy. This should be done quietly and with respect for the parish schedule. Please be respectful of other weddings, confessions, or other services that may follow
A. Supporting the Parish Mission
The
offering to the church on the occasion of your wedding supports the
mission and ministry of the parish and defrays the costs associated
with the use of the church. This offering goes directly to the
parish and not to the priest or deacon. A gift to the priest or
deacon presiding is your option, not a requirement. Please contact
the parish office regarding the suggested amount for this
offering. B. Appreciation for the Altar Servers In it a long standing custom that couples offer a sign of thanks to the two altar servers who assist at the liturgy. It is recommended that $10.00 be given to each server in separate envelopes and brought to the rehearsal.
C. The Music Ministry The payment of fees for musicians and cantors is arranged with those providing these services. Please consult the Music Ministry Office.
The final blessing of the Wedding Liturgy contains this beautiful invocation: May you always bear witness to the love of God in this world so that the afflicted and needy will find in you generous friends and welcome you to the joys of heaven.
Our parish suggests a way you can make this blessing a reality—within your wedding celebration, by making a monetary gift for needy of our area equal to the cost of “one meal” of your reception. This gift, sent to the parish office, will be given to the Saint Vincent DePaul Conference. This will be used solely to assist the poor of our community and those who need emergency assistance. Please make checks payable to the St. Vincent DePaul Conference.
A. Lending a helping hand We would appreciate your help maintaining the beauty of the Lord’s House and respecting those coming to services after your wedding. Please ask a family member or friend to be responsible for the removal of bows, empty boxes and the worship aides left in church after the wedding.
B. The Civil & Church Record The parish will submit your civil license to the registrar. On your wedding day you will be provided with a copy of the civil license and a church certificate.
C. Be Certain to Register Even if you will continue to reside within the Parish, registration is still required. It is not done “automatically.” Registration assists a parish to better serve you and is helpful when letters of recommendation or sponsor certificates are needed.
If you will not be living in the area, we encourage you to register in your local parish as soon as possible. It is a simple procedure usually requiring a phone call and the completion of a census form.
The Parish of Our Lady of Sorrows- St.Anthony 3816 East State Street Extension Hamilton, New Jersey
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Parish Office: 1-609-587-4372 Music Office: 1-609-587-9876 Facsimile: 1-609-587-7998 Email: Info@ols-sa.org
Websites: Parish:
Diocese: Revised Jan 2012 |
